devastation is the most crushing feeling

My family had an extremely tragic thing happen on Friday morning, 3:00 a.m.  I don't have words to express how sad, crushed, empty, helpless, and all sorts of other mixed feelings I am experiencing.

My family is a pretty close knit group.  We had Grandma and Grandpa.  They both passed within the past 10 years.  They have three kids, my mom, my aunt, and my uncle.  I grew up as an only child to a single mom.  So did my cousin, JP.  His mom (my mom's sister) was also single and we all lived in the same house(a duplex).  He and I are close, brother and sister close.  My uncle had 3 children.  C.M-G., JLM, and JDM.  We were all close.  The 5 cousins.  JP the oldest, then CM-G, then me liz, then JLM, and the baby of the cousins, JDM.  We would spend a few weeks every summer at Grandma and Grandpas together.  Playing, making up games, picking on me, but mostly loving each other. 

As time went on, we all grew up.  We were all in each others weddings in some way.  We held each others babies.  We have all remained quite close. 

Then our world was crushed.  My older cousin, CM-G, was murdered Friday morning. 

An ex who had quite a record, murdered her then killed himself. 

While her 9 year old son, E, was sleeping in the next room. 

E had to call 911. 

It is the most tragic thing I have ever been faced with and I just don't know what to do.  3 of my cousins, including CM-G, all live many states away now and we can't even be together yet.  My husband, son, my mom, and my one aunt and uncle -JP's mom and stepdad, are all getting together today just to be together. 

I wish I could change this.  I can't believe the courts let this monster be on the streets.  He had hurt her so many times.  And they just kept dismissing the charges.  WHAT? Really??  A man strangles a person and doesn't go to jail? 

Well, that's it.  That's all I can say.  I had to get this out.  I'm hoping that making my quilt with my son brings some peace to me. 

If anyone reads this, please keep my family in your thoughts and prayer, if you do that kind of thing.

I LOVE YOU CM-G.  I miss you and will always have you in my heart.